Episode 34 Summary – Spousal Abuse Is Not Okay
People want to gain power. It could be in any situation – work, in the community, and even in the home. Some people have different thirsts for power. Some want power to help others while others want power for themselves. They use unfair tactics for this end. Every leader access to power. Every person who wants to lead will ultimately gain access to power. And once in leadership, many want to sustain power for as long as possible. Sometimes the path to power is long and winding but along the way there could be casualties, essentially their marriages and families tend to suffer. All abuse has psychological impact. Abuse creates fear, anger, hate, resentment and while you will still do marriage related things like have sex, hang out, sleep in the same bed, eventually these things will become valueless and stop.
Episode 26 Summary – Nonstop Marriages: Let’s Do it Again and Again and Maybe Again
The key to reinventing your marriage has to do with the practical things, communicating early and often, role responsibility, getting what you want, and having the right perspective on entitlement. So as you grow in those aspects you essentially reinvent your marriage. When you do this, you are having 2 – 5 relationships with the same person! However, we believe that every relationship needs a defining moment, which unfortunately could be some form of tragedy. Don’t purposely start trouble just so you can start a new relationship. You should be able to anticipate when you are on the cusp of something brand new or a change and prepare to jump into that phase together.
Episode 25 Summary – Nonstop Marriages: How Much of Your Spouse Do You Own?
Entitlements are rights. You have access to those things. You deserve those things. You have earned those things. Or someone has made it possible for you to have those things because they earned it or they created it.
When it comes to your marriage, you also have rights. You are entitled to certain things and you have the right to expect certain things. Why else would you get married? If you were told that you were not going to be loved, accepted, protected and respected, you would probably say hold up wait a minute. And when you are in a marriage where you are not loved, not accepted, not protected and not respected then you want out. When you don’t get what you’re entitled to you become resentful. Nonstop marriages don’t have regret and there is no room for resentment. While you have rights, there are rules to entitlement.
Episode 24 Summary – Nonstop Marriages: I Want You to Do it This Way
There is some literature out there on the subject of getting what you want. Getting what you want should not be overlooked. Fact is your marriage probably started with you getting what you wanted – well in this case who you wanted. The person of your dreams. Then your wedding. A lot of things were how you wanted it. The job you have, the house you have, the number of children you have, the friends you have, the stuff you have in your house. Yes a lot of the things we have are things that we want. There are a few sides to “wants”. But we want to focus on how to get what you want in order to create a nonstop marriage.
Episode 12 Summary – We Can Fix This Together
The ability to problem-solve requires technical skill and perspective. The fact is that many times the biggest drawback to how we get to a solution is how we perceive the issue. We might do nothing if If we think there is no issue, if we think there is an issue but its impact is small, if we think there is an issue but its not as important as other issues, then for the time being we might do nothing. But if it’s going to blow up in our face, we are most likely to jump on it. The other side of it is if we think there is an issue but we don’t have the aptitude to resolve it then we might become fatalistic and just let fate run its course. We have to become skilled at problem solving at home and at work.
Episode 8 Summary – We Prefer a Quiet Fight
Couples lean on each other for a lot things: security, love, sense of belonging, feeling of adequacy, and so forth. But at times, things might happen that makes you wonder whether or not your spouse might be looking elsewhere. If your spouse does something that makes you feel as though there is no security, then you might become concerned or paranoid. If your spouse repeatedly does something that makes you feel unloved, then you might weigh your options, and start looking at the net-net consequences and/or your core obligations – which is basically asking, if one of us leave this relationship, then who is going to suffer, and if we choose to stay, who is going to suffer. But sometimes things happen on a continuum that appear low-key. It might seem to be a big deal, but in reality they are in fact insidious.
Episode 5 Summary – “I’m the better spouse and here is why!”
We are constantly trying to survive relationships. Each partner wants to prove that he/she is adequate. They want to prove that they are deserving of the relationship. When we lose in certain relationships we come up with ways to measure our worth. Factors such as insecurities, Injustice, abuse, disappointment, betrayal play a big role in this. It usually gets to a point where we keep score to prove our worth or to disprove another person’s worth. Keeping score is evidence that we were the better person. When two people go to divorce court and money and kids are involved the person with the best list of evidence gets the better outcome.
Episode 4 Summary – Now You’ve Gone Too Far 100%
Triggers are everywhere. They are essentially pain points that trigger a behavioural response.
They go back as far as our childhood; they stir up negative emotions: anger, fear, frustration, or repressive states of being such as anxiety, loneliness, depression, despondency. They halt our present and distort our future because we define our future based on our current perspective which is influenced by our past experiences.
Types of Triggers – Phrases, Actions, Circumstances
- Trigger Phrases: “You never…”/“You always…” , “Stop complaining”, etc.
- Trigger Actions: Hitting, talking loudly, embarrassing public behaviour, drunkenness, etc.
- Trigger Circumstances: job loss, death,, financial issues , sounds (crowds), etc.
How do you know you are being triggered rather than reflecting on a singular moment of discomfort?
Episode 3 Summary – How Serious Are Your Pet Peeves
Are pet peeves serious enough to cause a marriage to end? If there are little things you do that drive your spouse crazy, should you stop or should your spouse just let them be and get used to it? Some pet peeves are ignorable. Some are impossible to ignore and must be fixed because if they are not fixed they could lead to terrible habits and cause disconnection in the marriage.
Examples of pet peeves
- Loudly chewing gum
- Slurping cold drinks
- Burping and passing gas out loud
- Leaving the toilet seat in the wrong position
- Leaving hair in the sink and on the counters.
- Coughing and not covering mouth
- Saying ‘ew’ to the food on the stove
- Eating food off your plate without asking first or asking while grabbing it.
- Saying “no offense” as if it downplays anything insulting they say.
- Leaving toenail clippings in the bed
Episode 2 Summary – How About A Time Out
Quality time together is one of the most important aspects of any marriage.
If you’re in a relationship, or if you’ve dated, then you know the value of being exclusive with one another. The time you spend together provides valuable insight and information about your spouse that you might not get at any other time. Yes, you can get the information, but it can be distorted by the outside noise of raising children pursuing career and whatever other commitments you have.
The objective of marriage is to become inseparable. There is a constant debate about quantity versus quality and we tend to substitute one for the other. Just because you are always around each other doesn’t mean you’re spending quality time together. Quality time is intentional and realistic.
Episode 1 Summary – Too Busy to Get Busy
We have 24 hours in a day to fulfill all our commitments. Sometimes our best strategy is to use longer timelines to get critical things done, like growing our careers, taking care of our children, and contributing to our community. Then we ignore our marriage – the relationship that has the farthest reaching implications. We need time to grow our love. If we don’t, it will naturally degenerate and get worse with time.