Episode 33 Summary – Think You’re Not Ready for Counseling? Do’s n Don’ts
Many people are skeptical about counseling. Research shows that about 25% of couples who receive marriage counselling report that their marriage is worse two years after therapy ends, and about 38% report of those receive counselling end up divorcing. So others who are viewing these stats will see alternatives to marriage counselling. An article in Psychology Today noted that the bottom 25% of those marriages that fail counselling are usually as a result of emotional and physical abuse. The only way this outcome is different is if the abuse stops prior to counselling.
Episode 32 Summary – Keep Your Relationship Counsellor on Speed Dial
At different stages in life, we need different people who are not our parents to help us become more rounded and equipped in our lives. We need teachers in school. They devote time to educating us so that we have a career at some point. We need lawyers to advocate for us. We need pastors and religious leaders to guide us and keep us morally and spiritually stable. We need all sorts of doctors to keep us healthy, physically and emotionally. We can’t do everything ourselves so it is no exception that when you are married you need guidance. A recent study by Pew Research noted that the rate of marriage counselling has increased which could mean that more people are putting in efforts to take care of their marriage or it could be that marriage counselling is just a stopover just before divorce happens. But overall divorce rates are still sitting at half so we can make the argument that couples are more inclined to making their marriages work. Also, the age of marriage has increased, so unless you’re going through 5 year marriages, then it makes more sense to make your marriage work
Episode 30 Summary – Make Your Marriage Fun and Easier
There were three things that made marriages struggle – busyness, boredom, and complacency. Busyness is almost inevitable and boredom. Boredom happens when there is no excitement. Complacency is somewhat of a spin off of boredom, but in this case you become self-satisfied. We have a few suggestions of how to get some fire going in your marriage. Keep in mind though that you will be busy, but how you manage your busyness will determine whether you get to boredom or complacency. These are not solutions necessarily to not be busy, but to stay engaged with your spouse to mitigate boredom and complacency.
Episode 29 Summary – Marriage, Career and Transitions
What happens if you get a promotion? What happens if you lose your job? What if you have to relocate? To be successful in some careers, it can take up a lot of your time inside and outside of the workplace. This can have a negative impact on your home life. Ergo, many leaders tend to suffer in their marriages and lose their families. However, support from a spouse can help moving through the ranks much more manageable and rewarding. Some of the top ranked CEOs are married with children.
Episode 28 Summary – Reasons to Get Married That Have Nothing to Do With Love
In this episode we will be talking about reasons to get married that have nothing to do with love.
Marriage is often portrayed as a simple contract which can be broken or even renegotiated at some point down the road. But that should not be the case. People get married for different reasons. For some it’s an issue of convenience while for some it’s time to get married. Love should be a big part of your marriage, but as discussed, there are lots of other factors and benefits that come from such a fulfilling relationship. There are several reasons to get married. While most people marry to be with the person they love, most of what your marriage accomplishes has nothing to do with the feeling of love.
Episode 27 Summary – Let’s Get Physical
Your marriage is supposed to be your safest relationship where you can recognize abnormal behaviour and be able and willing to address it. What is true is that too often though spouses destroy each other; they are always competing or avoiding each other; you are always keeping score to hit the jackpot in divorce court when you should be listening to what your spouse is noticing about your behaviour, your conversations, your reactions, what you’re always talking about. You’re coming home complaining about work every day and complaining about about certain relationships. Yes complaining is not the proper way to communicate, but communication becomes a struggle when we are in pain. It’s like pulling up on the scene of a collision and you are able to get to the person that is hurt. You want them to be able to respond to your question: “Hey are you hurt? Where are you hurt?” Their responses tell you whether they’re in severe pain, if they’re immobilie, or if they’re losing consciousness. If they are in and out of consciousness, then you know they might be suffering blood loss. So your marriage is supposed to be your safest relationship so that you can help each other and if you can’t help each other, find help.
Episode 26 Summary – Nonstop Marriages: Let’s Do it Again and Again and Maybe Again
The key to reinventing your marriage has to do with the practical things, communicating early and often, role responsibility, getting what you want, and having the right perspective on entitlement. So as you grow in those aspects you essentially reinventing your marriage. When you do this, you are having 2 – 5 relationships with the same person rather. Ideally, this would be starting a new relationship without nearing a divorce. However, we believe that every relationship needs a defining moment, which unfortunately could be some form of tragedy. Don’t purposely start trouble just so you can start a new relationship. You should be able to anticipate when you are on the cusp of something brand new or a change and prepare to jump into that phase together.
Episode 23 – Nonstop Marriages: Responsibility Rules
When someone does something wrong, we expect them to take responsibility and own up to the mistake. We also expect them to show regret, apologize, make reconciliation and give some sort of indication as to how they plan to behave in the future. This is more of an after the fact type of taking responsibility. We are talking about how to take responsibility before any wrongdoing, and hopefully minimize any negative outcomes in your marriage. Taking responsibility in the beginning basically means assigning roles. So the question is how do you actually assign roles? How do you hold each other accountable to those roles? How you support each other in those roles?
Episode 14 Summary – Good Grief
A critical aspect of organizational management is how to manage change. Because its in these changes that people become lost and find it difficult to transition to the new normal. Change comes in many forms. When one company buys another firm, when a CEO is replaced, when a department decides to adopt a new software or a new process. When new responsibilities are added to a team or responsibilities are taken away. All of these changes will impact at least one person and it will impact each person very differently. When change happens, there is loss. And the psychological impact associated with this loss is called grief. Here’s how we tackle grief!
Episode 13 Summary – The Good Side of Being Frustrated
Frustration has a really good property because it is usually the basis for some of the greatest inventions and products that we have in the world. Steve Jobs wanted his entire music library on a pocket device – this resulted in the ipod. That lead to the creation of the iPhone, the iPad and a slew of other Apple products. The founders of Asana, the project management software, talks about how difficult it was managing projects. The airplane revolutionized transportation. Laptops make up for bulky desktops that not only take up space and lack mobility. Frustration is a subjective interpretation of repeated actions that stir up negative emotions inside of you. Mark Feinburg, professor of Human Development at PennState says, “In my research, most people are frustrated from a lack of support and a lack of honest communication and understanding.” Alex Lickerman, Doctor of Medicine and Founder and CEO of ImagineMD says “It is an uncomfortable paradox that the people closest to us often frustrate us the most.”
Episode 11 Summary – We Must Synergize Our Way to Gestalt
Many leaders look back at their legacy and realize that some of the greatest mistakes they made was not in business itself, but in how they managed their households, their families and their marriage. They might even say they didn’t take enough risks in business or in some aspects of their personal life. But I don’t think they will say that they should have taken more risks where their family is concerned. That sounds shortsighted anyways because it sounds like you are putting your family in more risky situations. They will probably say I should have done more to protect my family. Leading anyone is demanding and when you are leading two different groups with different demands, the responsibilities might not be symmetric, but if you are attentive to both you will find that the skills are transferable. Just as you are able to lead successful teams, you can lead a successful family simultaneously. We have a list of 13 vital things that we think are very important to every marriage in order to stand the test of time. Listen to hear them!
Episode 9 Summary – Arguing Is Like An Onion
Couples argue. Some argue a lot. Some argue very little. Some argue loudly. Some argue quietly. Some argue with their facial expressions. It is a simple fact that communication is still a crucible in all marriages.
If you are a leader and you want to be able to impact those you lead, you have to become a good communicator. You have to be able to convince stakeholders. You have to be able to communicate vision and strategy. If you are married and you want your marriage to last, you have to become an expert in communication. You have to become skilled in arguing. Good arguing means that your marriage is still secured and you both learn from each other. Within that argument, something brand new is created, that is new atmosphere of trust, respect, and understanding.
Episode 7 Summary – The Scientific Way to Apologize
An apology is more than just mere words. Apologies change course of action. They can prevent
someone from feeling insecure or disrespected. They are restorative and transformative. It is very important to give an apology. If you choose not to, there are negative effects like lack of intimacy, change in communication dynamic and a restriction in the freedom of a relationship. But when you choose to apologize you can rebuild trust, security and create a space to emotional healing. The goal of an apology is restitution. Let’s fix the issues and move on with our lives. We are not going to keep score by adding this incident to our list of condemning evidence, but we are going to take note so that we can have useful examples for making our relationship better.
Episode 6 Summary – Whisper Sweet Nothings
Words of affirmation provide emotional support or encouragement. Chances are if you are not offering words of affirmation, you are probably offering words of defeat. Lack of affirming words probably means that negative speak is consistently taking shape in your marriage. Maybe you are not the type of person who has insecurities, or has identity crisis but at some point, we all like to hear that we are enough or that we are making a difference.